Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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