Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
