were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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