Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
