alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
