Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
