My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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