i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
