Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
