look no pants
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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