And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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