when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
