So drunk its hurt
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
