every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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