honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
