I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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