look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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