Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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