How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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