i just google imaged poop.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
