I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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