Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
