Dual....:-)
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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