yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
