What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
