Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
