I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
