I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
