i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
