yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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