So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
