Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
