Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
