I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
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