Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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