And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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