2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
handjob tips. give me some.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
