last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
im holly from the hills drunk
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
