how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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