I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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