The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Randomize
