Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
