I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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