I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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