imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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