I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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