We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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