your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
