Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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