im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
