she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Randomize
