the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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