Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
