very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
How's work?
Spinning.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
