rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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