he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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