Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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