My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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