WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We are all done wearing pants today
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
