I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
