im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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