Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
