woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
