I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
