When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
